Another Extract from my Largest Project

Chapter 11

The whole principle and process of cross-dimensional travel is, all facts laid out, still a complete mystery to pretty much everyone. Indeed, the idea of being able to journey from the “real” world as we know it through a supercomputer and into a different universe of someones creation is as most would rather candidly put it, “Utter bollocks!” (or, as Einstein would say, “Utter bollocks!”, but in German of course). However, through some contrivance of logic it had already been pulled off three times, both by Stan and the two unfortunate IT workers, the latter landing several hundreds of miles away from the former on the opposite side of the virtual globe. Stan could count himself fortunate (as much as he really didn’t want to), seeing as it was that he landed on the most civilised continent in this brave new world. Travel through a prototype virtual reality machine to enter new fantastical realms is not as seamless as say a mis-numbered train platform, a police box, a wardrobe or Easyjet, but the one advantage it has is that it’s almost guaranteed to have some kind of economical recompense should anything go wrong thanks to pushy insurance lawyers.

Although still strands of ones and zeros in the real world, Stan and the two technicians find themselves still very much physical beings composed of flesh and blood, and this is down to the theory of the Big-Balls-Up. Studied by only the most studious of monks of the old order, segregated from the rest of society on the small northern-arctic island of Orntyssk, atop Mt. Itsbloodycold, only they know close to the truth of Stan and the electrical incident that brought him to their realm of existance.

Although the old sage couldn’t remember a lot of things, during his youth he had travelled far and wide, and had actually been instrumental in the naming of Mt. Itsbloodycold, accidentally mixing up the name and the complaint boxes when submitting his review to Mountains Weekly, the magazine with high aspirations.

To digress, the old sage could also boast a crucial role in the founding of the temple atop the mountain, being one of the magical architects. Employing the use of the five elements, Fire, Earth, Air, Water and Neon, he made the temple not only structurally sound, but look like something from Las Vegas too.

It resembles a giant casino crossed with an ancient Parthenon, taking the best from both, resulting in pillars sparkling all of the colours of the rainbow, and giant images of bunny girls wearing togas plastered along the marble walls. The monks themselves, sworn to celibacy (purely to reinforce the stereotype), aren’t particularly appreciative on being reminded of what they’re missing out on.

In his day, the old sage had been one of the monks of the Highest Order To The God S’Tan, being born with a high enough magical attunement to not only understand the world, but to discover how they all got there. He studied at the temple for a long time, gradually building up evidence from books, scrolls, engravings and old shopping receipts to the ends of discovering once and for all the true creation story. Sadly, he was never able to complete his magnum opus, How God Mucked It All Up, because a savage war shook the nearby continent of Ghagaia, and his magical capability resulted in his inevitable conscription into the fray. It was there that an encounter ripped the memory from his body and most of his knowledge, and sanity, was lost.

However, without him knowing, the knowledge of the genesis tale still lingered remotely and stubbornly in the recesses of his crippled brain.

He knew nothing of the science though, being only versed in the narrative. Truth be told, the sorry excuse for Scientific Rationalism was behaving very badly in this particular situation, and really shouldn’t have let all this happen in the first place. It only chose to do so because sometimes it’s that much easier to turn your head away, close your eyes, stick your fingers in your eyes and chant “Lalalalala…”

And Another Thing Or Two

Hope that wasn’t too nonsensical, I assume it looks a lot better in context! Regardless, time for a bit of an info-dump. Because I’m a moron and keep forgetting, remember when I said that I was interviewed for an article about a big online gaming event? It’s been out for a while already, but here you go!

http://www.pri.org/stories/2015-09-22/my-love-letter-global-warfare-internet-subculture-thats-inuit-winuit

Additionally, I made a film! Here it is:

 

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