THE EU REFERENDUM: IN, OUT OR SHAKE IT ALL ABOUT?
By our European Correspondent
Alarming new polls on the EU Referendum conducted by this newspaper have revealed a drop in support for both the IN and OUT campaigns. It comes amid a reportedly large surge of popularity for a third option, SHAKE IT ALL ABOUT.
“What appeals to me about SHAKE,” explained Jeff Twatt*, a SHAKE supporter from Surrey, 36, “is that it represents tuning out the droll, boyish rivalry between David Cameron and Boris Johnson. Instead, it encourages changing the channel to watch the Eurovision, where we get to see a whole bunch of movers and shakers strut their stuff from all over Europe. That’s what we as a culture, and a continent, need. Let’s face the music and dance!”
When asked what SHAKE’s stance on immigration was, he said, “Can they swagger?”
In the first televised debate between IN, OUT, and SHAKE IT ALL ABOUT, David Cameron claimed that a Brexit scenario could lead to a third world war. Boris Johnson slammed the claim as stupid, and accused “The Old Boy” of being “jolly stupid just for suggesting it”, whilst the representative for SHAKE moonwalked aggressively towards an anxious looking George Osborne.
When questioned on what a post-SHAKE victory Europe would look like, Twatt suggested that “the continent would be plunged into a furore of unstoppable merriment and dancing, which would have as much historical impact as the outbreak of the first world war, just with less bombs and more boogie.”
*Names haven’t been changed.