By our Weather Correspondent
Cardiff, Wales – Earlier today, local man Gareth Phillips was having trouble deciding as to whether the conditions outside warranted putting on a pair of faded jeans or his brand new cargo shorts.
“I took the time to examine the weather carefully,” he said, weighing up the jeans in one hand and the shorts in the other, “yet everything about the temperature and the clouds said that it’s gonna be humid but breezy.”
“How the fuck do you dress for that?” he complained.
Mr. Phillips is not alone in his struggle. A recent study showed that an estimated three million people regularly fall victim to the Welsh weather per year.
After much deliberation, and a quick rendition of ‘eeny-meeny-miney-mo’, Mr Phillips eventually settled on the cargo shorts, reasoning with himself that “they should be broken in whilst I have the chance”, and left his flat in Splott to do some shopping. He was halfway down Queen Street when he noticed that it had started picking to rain.
“I was caught, quite literally, with my trousers down,” shuddered Mr. Phillips, taking a sip from his hot chocolate. “It was all that I could think to do to dive into Ann Summers and wait for the storm to pass.”
“I spent the time wondering how cold the women in the pictures would be if they were here,” he confessed.
When approached, Republican Presidential Nominee Donald Trump said, “He should get some of my shorts. I have the best shorts, from the best short people in the world! You don’t get any better than my shorts, but I’m going to make him pay for them.”