LAD CRASHING AT PRE-DRINKS NEEDS TO TOUGHEN THE FUCK UP – The Weekly Rag, Issue 9

By our Student Correspondent.

Barry, Wales – A gaggle of local Lads are being left dismayed after it has become obvious that one of their squad has absolutely no intention of going to the club following the pre-drinks and getting utterly twatted like everybody else.

“Why the fuck is he even here?” says Lawrence Stiles, 21, Full-Time Lad, “What did he think ‘pre’ refers to, ‘drinks before bedtime’? Stupid prick should have brought four cans of camomile, instead of that weak-ass alcopop shit that he’s drinking.”

“I swear to Christ,” concurs Billy ‘The Nose’ Noel, 20, “He was acting all shifty earlier, not throwing out any good club suggestions, like. It’s probably because he’s never been to any!”

“Fuck sake!” he exclaims.

This is not just a misunderstanding. Top fucking experts, who absolutely know their shit, have confirmed in a damning report that the stupid twit is a certified little pussy-bitch who should know better by the age of 22.

“It’s a bloody disgrace, really,” agrees Doctor of Psychology at Oxbridge, Jennifer Devon, 45, “If the ‘#LADSLADSLADS’ are planning to get completely fucking slaughtered and you aren’t up for a cheeky ride on the banter bus, fair enough. But the least you can do is not bring the room down by turning up with your two bottles of WKD and an alarm set for 7am. Basic fucking human decency, that.”

Staff at The Weekly Rag have been kept on high alert following the breaking news of Judas’ betrayal, and are constantly monitoring the situation, awaiting the silly chucklefuck’s inevitable, slow, miserable crawl towards the camp-bed.

And there he fucking goes.

 

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