President Trump goes about his merry day – The Weekly Rag, Issue 11

By Our Totes Legit Political Correspondent

Waking up at the very reasonable time of 7:30 in the morning, President Donald J. Trump leapt out of bed with a grin, keen to get on with another gosh-darn, swell day at the White House. Upon changing into his best suit, he didn’t want to let his presentation offend anybody, he sauntered down the corridor to the Oval Office, high-fiving the Mexican staff as he went.

“Another beautiful day today,” he tweeted with glee, “Can’t wait to end all conflicts and solve world poverty. Happy!”

Upon seating himself in the nice, cosy chair behind his desk, a loud farting noise jettisoned itself all around the room. Mr Trump stood up, and, upon inspection, found a deflated whoopee cushion where his elected bottom had just been sat.

“Goodness me,” he chuckled, “Thanks Obama; what a merry prankster he is!”

It was at this point that the President was beset by the news of the day. CNN, Fox and NBC to name a few, all mean blighters, keen to ruin his good name. “I know,” Donald thought, scratching his head, “I’ll write up a new deal to end all fossil fuel emissions all around the world, that’ll show ’em!”


Mr Trump generously signs a waver allowing these poor folk to smile again. What a jolly feller!

“Just had a word with the Polar Bears,” he tweeted, enthusiastically, “They won’t be floating away anymore. Not Sad!”

The day passed rather quickly really. Curing cancer, solving the Korean conundrum, and crafting a nations worth of red caps takes time, but at least Mr Donald could leave his office feeling like he had accomplished something.

“Like to think I helped the world today, if only a little,” he tweeted, finally before bed, “tuning in to some SNL tonight, that Alec Baldwin makes me guffaw. Lad!”

President Trump fell asleep soundly that night, and lived happily ever after.

Pretty sure this is “Fake News”. You’re fired. – The Editor.

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